Why I am Mormon Part X

For the rest of that day I felt like I was on cloud nine and I simply could not stop smiling. As I went to bed that Oct 19th I knew that for once I had made a choice that not only was correct but that was helping me to become a better person.

I woke up on the 20th of Oct and went to church. President Clark was there to confirm me with the Holy Ghost. Bishop Donaldson was conducting the meeting and told everyone about my baptism. He then asked for a manifestation of those who were in favor of my baptism and confirmation. Well I didn't know I was supposed to raise my hand until I received several strange looks from Bishop D, President Clark and a quick whisper that I needed to raise my hand to. Just as I started to raise my hand Bishop D asked if anyone was opposed to me. Well guess what? My hand just happened to finally go up then. President Clark gave me a rather concerned look and as I looked around the room everyone else seemed to be just as perplexed as I was about this hand raising thing. Bishop Donaldson then asked me if I really meant to oppose the vote and I told him heck no and responded that I was really happy to be baptized and a member of the church.

Bishop Donaldson then announced that I was to be confirmed a member of the church and was to receive the Holy Ghost. Well President Clark and a few other men gathered around me in a circle and laid their hands upon my head. At first I was a little worried cause this seemed kind of weird but I felt a calm reassurance that all was okay. President Clark then called me by name and told me to receive the Holy Ghost. I felt a fire go from the top of my head down to my toes. I felt even more happy than I had the day before. I felt somehow different. I felt something, almost like I was reuniting with an old friend. It was almost like a comforting blanket being wrapped around me. I felt more sure and confident then ever before. It is something that I find hard to describe.

President Clark then began to talk and give me a blessing. The one thing that I remember was him blessing me to go on a mission. As I sat there listening to him talk about me being a missionary I was thinking to myself. Is he trying to blackmail me into going on a mission. I don't want to. As he continued to talk about me serving a mission I came to the conclusion he was trying to blackmail me with this blessing. Well he didn't know I had joined the Marine Corps and serving a mission was right out. I had other things I was doing and all these blessing me was talking about were going to be wasted and I was still pretty upset about what I perceived as him blackmailing me.

Bishop Donaldson then asked me to bear my testimony. Well.... I had no idea what this thing called a testimony was. Well since I didn't know what he was asking me to do I asked him as I stood there next to him at the pulpit I asked him what is a testimony. The sisters were sitting up at the front with President Clark and the other members of the bishopric and as one Bishop D, President Clark and the others on the stand looked at the sisters with a look that said why was this kid baptized without a testimony. Well I still hadn't received an answer regarding what a testimony was so once again I asked. Bishop D asked me if I had a testimony.... I said, "well I don't know if I have one... What is a testimony?" He just had this look on his face like what do I do now.

One of the sisters quickly whispered to me that a testimony was what I believed. I whispered back, "Well I believe alot of different things what do you want me to talk about." She replied, "you need to talk about God, Jesus, the scriptures and the prophet and the church being restored." Well I could do that. I wondered why they just didn't put it that simply to begin with. I then looked at Bishop Donaldson and told him I had testimony and I would love to share it.

I then started(I don't remember it verbatim but this is pretty close to what I said), "Well guys, there is a God in Heaven who is my Father and he loves me very much and he is very happy that I got baptized. God also has a Son named Jesus Christ (I still thought that Christ was the saviors last name at this point in my life) that came to this Earth and he lived here. He suffered some really bad things but he loved me and everyone enough to deal with them. Some People didn't like him very much and they crucified him on a cross. He died on that cross but three days later he came back to life." I then told them, " Jesus Christ is my savior from death and redeemer from sin. He suffered for my sins so I wouldn't have to if I chose to follow him and do what he asks. He was baptized and he did everything in his entire life right. I haven't always followed him or did things that are right but from now on I am going to try to follow his example better. I love him very much and if you guys don't know it Jesus Christ is a stud and our messiah."(It might not be eloquent but hey I had only accepted God and Jesus a few weeks before this)

I then told everyone about the book of Mormon and how it was just like the bible but that it happened in America and that it was true just like the bible. I told them I knew the church of Jesus Christ(told you I thought Christ was his last name) had been restored and that I was baptized into it the day before and that I stood speaking in it today. I then briefly talked about the prophet Joseph Smith and summarized with this statement, " Well, Joseph Smith was a pretty freaking awesome guy and a prophet like Moses or Noah and I love him to." I then started to sit down because I had said my piece. President Clark whispered to me that I was supposed to say in the Name of Jesus Christ Amen. I didn't know this so guess what I said... "guys I was just told I needed to say in the name of Jesus Christ Amen. So In the name Of Jesus Christ Amen.

I really don't remember the rest of that meeting but I just sat there with a big smile on my face. The next thing I had to get was patriarchal blessing. However with regards to this blessing I had questions regarding what President Clark said as I was confirmed.

Why I am Mormon part IX

So the 19th of October 2002 arrived. I had called my mother about four days before and told her that I was going to get baptized. I was really worried about telling my family that I was going to join the Mormon church. I didn't want them to be mad at me or disappointed or anything of that kind. It was the sisters who finally convinced me that I should tell my parents at least that I was getting baptized. So I decided to tell my mother first because mothers in general are always more understanding of their children and my mother is perhaps the most understanding and loving of all. So I called my mother up and when she answered I told her I had some good news to tell her. She then asked what it was. "Well mom," I said, "I'm getting baptized." She then replied, "One second, Nana (my grandmother) is here and I am gonna put you on speaker phone because this will make her so happy." (If only they knew what I was going to tell them) "Hey guys," I said. "well I am getting baptized this Saturday up here in Utah." Well I heard my Nana break into hallelujahs that would make an Angel feel like a slacker. "What church are you getting baptized in," my mother asked. "Well.... I am joining the Mormon Church." Talk about a deafening silence for about thirty seconds. "Son, we will be up there on Friday," my mother said. I was excited that my mom and Nana were coming up. Little did I know that the only reason they were coming was so that they could come and rescue me from the cult that had brainwashed me.



The next call I had to make was far more scary for me. I needed to call my father and tell him. Now the relationship between a son and father is different that between a son and a mother. I was far more afraid of disappointing my father or making him angry then when I talked to my mother. I decided to metaphorically attack my father on two fronts so he wouldn't know what to do.



Unknown to anyone except myself and my recruiter I had joined the United States Marine Corps on the 29th of September. I had neglected to tell anyone about this because I knew that almost everyone would be upset with me so I had decided to keep it to myself.



So with regards to this I had decided that I would tell my father both that I was becoming a Mormon and that I had already joined the Marine Corps and in so doing this he wouldn't know which thing to be more upset about. So I called my father the Friday night before I was baptized.



The conversation went something like this, "Hi dad, its JD." "Hows it going son?" "Good I told him. I have something I need to talk about with you dad." The things that go through a parents mind when one of their children utter something like that is something I don't understand but I am sure that it isn't a pleasant thing. "So son, are you in trouble, do you need money or something?" "Well dad, I have something to tell you." "Nothings wrong is it Son?" "No dad . . . Well . . . I have joined the Marine Corps," and I quickly added, "and I am joining the Mormon Church tomorrow morning." Well this time the silence lasted for about a minute. Finally I asked, "Dad, are you still there?" I thought he might have hung up on me in anger. "Son," he said "It seems like you are making grown up choices and you are going to have to deal with the consequences of them." Then he hung up.



Well that went a lot a better than I thought it would.



So like I was saying earlier before I digressed it was Saturday the 19th. My baptism was at 10:00 in the morning. The sister told me I had to pick two people to talk at my baptism. I had to have someone talk about the Holy Ghost and someone talk about baptism. For the talk on Baptism I decided to ask someone who never would have guessed I would pick them. First off the person I picked was not even baptized yet. His name was Jeff Spears. He had been on the debate team the year before with me and had investigated the church and while he was investigating the church myself and others consistently told him why he was stupid to waste his time with the missionaries and how it was all wrong. He finally stopped meeting with the missionaries that year but when I started to take the discussion he started again to. We constantly were talking to each other about what we thought about the Book Of Mormon and other things and also bounced questions off each other. Jeff gave an amazing talk about baptism and why it was important. Jeff went on to be baptized two weeks later. Well I decided to pick Amber to speak on the Holy Ghost. She is one of the ladies who I had given the hardest time concerning the church my freshman year. She gave an awesome talk after I was dunked that compared the Holy Ghost to a radio station and she admonished me to always stay tuned into the right frequency.



I had asked President Clark to baptize me since Sister Glancy or Niu couldn't because they didn't have the priesthood. (that was another concern I had when I learned that women couldn't hold the priesthood. I wanted to know what kind of sexist crap that was. I really wanted one of the Sisters to baptize me. They finally got it threw my thick head why they couldn't.) President Clark had been a stud answering all my hard to answer question and taking time out of his busy schedule to help me.



I got dressed in a white jump suit and stood at the edge of the baptismal font. President Clark was already in the water and he stretched out his hand toward me asking me to come into the water. I stepped into the water and very quickly I wanted to step out. Now this isn't as some people might have assumed because the year before I had been an anti Christ and by entering the water it might start to boil rather it kind of hit me what I was doing. However a feeling of calm came over me and I enter the water.



The curtain opened and standing there were all my friends and family who had come. President Clark raised his right hand to the square and called me by name and by the power and authority of the priesthood baptized me in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. It all happened so quick one second I was dry and the most vile of sinners and the next I was soaking wet from head to toe and as clean and sinless as a newborn babe.



I had never felt so happy in my entire life. I knew that I had made the right choice. Such happiness that I felt then I had never before known. I knew then that I had made my Father in Havana proud of me and that he was well pleased with my choice. I felt so clean and pure, I never wanted to even think a bad or dirty thought in my life. I remember just smiling and smiling a ten mile wide grin from ear to ear. It is an amazing feeling to know that you have made your Heavenly Father proud of you.



As I sat down and listened to Amber's talk I just kept smiling because I was just plain happy. After Amber finished Bishop Donaldson welcomed me to the ward which was kind of weird since I had been going there for two months but whatever I was happy. And now a funny thing happened Bishop D asked me to stand up at the front with him and I did. He then asked my Nana to come and stand with us. (Now remember Nana wasn't a member of the church and had been convinced I had been brainwashed by a cult and got my mother and aunt to come with her to come and rescue me and take me back home far away from these crazy Mormons.) He asked Nana how she felt. Now I was scared, I was ready for Nana to read the riot act to everyone present and grab me and make a break for the border. However Nana said this, "All the angels in heaven are singing and saying hallelujahs and I am just so proud of the choice JD has made to give his life to the Lord."



Wow I thought, apparently when I was baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost she decided it was all okay and I am sure that having pictures of Jesus all over the church didn't hurt either.



The next day I was to receive the gift of the Holy Ghost and this only served to open a new can or worms and provide me with new questions.

Why I am Mormon Part VIII

So as Sister Glancy looked into my eyes I felt a tingle of terror sweep through my body as I thought of what it would be to lose this pearl of great price that I had found.

The sisters asked me what I thought about conference and I told them I had figured some things out and got my questions answered.

Sister Glancy said. "JD, we have something we need to talk about and it really important." Well being the guy I am I decided to go on the attack with a question of my own. "Sister Glancy," I asked, " Can I ask you something first?" She said I could. I then asked the sixty four million dollar question, "Can I get baptized? I know I don't know very much but I really want to."

Wow talk about that look totally disappearing from the sisters faces. It looked like them were almost going to hug me as they both just started smiling and told me, "Of course you can get baptized JD." I then asked still on the offensive, "How about this coming Saturday?"..... it was Sunday if you remember.

The sister said we still had some things to go over but that if I really wanted to get baptized on Sunday I could. Well guess what that week I learned about the law of chastity and the law of tithing and a few other things I needed to know about before I made a covenant with God.

Well Friday afternoon showed up and the sisters turned me over to some Elder who had to interview me. Boy am I glad that I had such smart sister the few questions I had this elder couldn't answer. At one point he even broke off our interview to call the mission president and ask him a question. This elder who I don't remember because he was rather unimpressive didn't know what to do when I told him I was pro choice and supported a woman's choice pertaining to if she would have an abortion or not. Well I got to talk to the mission president who's name I don't remember either but wow could he use the spirit like a righteous club over the phone. He asked me if I believed it was okay for a women to have an abortion. I replied, "Yes." He then told me this, Well, until you change your mind you can't get baptized." I then quickly replied, "Well sir if that is going to be the way it is, then I no longer believe abortions are correct and I want to be baptized." He then told me to give the phone back to the elder. I did and guess what... I passed the rest of the interview.

Well that night came and I decided to be a brat. I called them that night and aSister Glancy answered the phone I told Sister Glancy who I was and she asked if everything was okay. I told her kind of but I needed to know something. In a rather concerned tone Sister Glancy asked what was up. "Well I was thinking about Jesus," I said, "And Jesus was baptized in a river and since I am being baptized not only to be washed of my sins but to follow Jesus I want to be baptized in a river to." (Well if you know anything about Eastern Utah you realize that the only river around Price is the Price river and that is not exactly a river that it would be easy to be baptized in. ) Sister Glancy told me that the church wanted people to be baptized in fonts in stake centers and wards. I told Sister Glancy that I wouldn't be baptized unless it could be in a river and told her not to call me until she found a river for me. Well about and hour and half later I called the Sisters again. This time Sister Niu answered and all I said was, "Sister Niu, this is JD, I was just joking about the river thing I can't wait to get baptized tomorrow at ten." I then hung up my phone and unplugged it from the wall.

Why I am Mormon Part VII

So as everyone stood up I stayed seating thinking to myself why are all these people standing up. Amber who happened to be one of the women I went to conference with grabbed me by the arm and told me that we stood up when the prophet entered the room. Well, now I could finally see who this guy was. Did I mention that my seat in the conference center was far up in the nose bleed section where everyone on the stand appeared to be as small as ants. However the two screens to either side of the stage showed a picture of this wonderful little old man who was walking across the stage. He had a cane but he wasn't using it. He was carrying it and as he walked be these stern looking young men who could only be body guards of some type he hit a few of them in the leg. I thought to myself as I watched him, "Wow, I really might like this little guy."

However just because he was cool didn't make him a prophet by any means. Now if you remember my reason for going to conference was to see for myself who this Gordon Hinkley guy was and if the church that was restored by Joseph Smith was still true or if it had faded into apostasy. Well there was an opening prayer that seemed like it lasted forever and was almost a talk in and of itself. There were a few hymns sung and finally someone got up and started to speak. Now a few people spoke but none of there talks were amazing or had within them the answer I sought. This was true until this German guy with a heavy accent got up and started to speak. His name was Elder Uctdorf, he was from the quorum of the seventy(I had no idea what that was at the time) and this German guy started to speak about the restoration of the gospel in Joseph Smith's time. He then started to speak on how the church was true today just as it was when it was restored by Joseph Smith and as when Jesus set it up. Talk about my jaw hitting the floor. I just sat there in disbelief as my prayer seemed to be directly answered.

Well I still wasn't one hundred percent convinced with regards to the Hinkley guy just yet. however my time was shortly drawing closed. As the hour passed and it was time for the last speaker to get up and talk I noticed it was that cool old guy from before who was supposed to be the prophet of the Lord. Well he got up to the pulpit and started to speak. A feeling of calmness washed over me as he spoke. He talked of his travels throughout the world and how he visited the children of God in those countries. As he spoke that same voice that spoke to me before spoke again. At first I didn't understand what it said and looked to see if Amber was whispering something in my ear. However she wasn't and then I heard and understood the voice. I heard just as clearly as you are reading this a voice that said to me, "That cute, little old man is a prophet of the Lord God, and he doesn't have time right now for your stupid questions."

Well I had all of my questions answered and I just sat there in awe of being privileged to hear a prophet, a real, living prophet give me advice. Well now I had no more questions. As we drove back to Price from Salt Lake City I contemplated upon what I had learned in the last few days and weeks. I had found out for myself that God truly lives and that he sent his only begotten son to earth to suffer and bleed and die for my sins. That God's church was upon the face of the earth and it was led by a living prophet of God. That the bible and Book of Mormon contained God's plan for me and eternal truths within their pages. As we traveled down the road a scripture kept coming into my mind concerning baptism. Now I had never been baptized before much to the sadness of my Mother and Grandmother. This scripture stated very simply that if the lamb of God being holy have need to be baptized by water to fulfil all righteousness how much more need have I being unholy have need to be baptized by water.

Now by this time I knew that I had done some rather unseemly things and might be considered somewhat unholy if not in cahoots with the Anti Christ. I thought about baptism and the more I thought about it the more I wanted to do it. I mean why wouldn't someone who believed in Christ choose to follow in his footsteps.

Well we got home and on Sunday between conferences I had a meeting with the Sisters. When I let them in I knew something was wrong. I could look at Sister Glancy looking at Sister Niu and I could tell something was up. They just seemed to be uncomfortable and somewhat scared. I was starting to wonder if I had done something wrong. I started to think that maybe they and found out what a bad person I was and that they were going to tell me that I was just not what the Mormon Church needed. I started to become apprehensive. We made some small talk but it was obvious something was wrong and I was the only one who didn't know what it was.

Sister Glancy is all seriousness looked me dead in the eye and told me there was something we needed to talk about and it was serious and important.

Why I am Mormon Part VI

So not that my prayer that I uttered to my Heavenly Father was anything amazing worthy of immortalization or anything like that. What it amounted to was a lot of crying, a lot of begging and a lot of pleading to know the truth. How long I was on my knees I really don't know it seemed like an eternity. I begged to know if he was really there. Was the book of Mormon true? Was Joseph Smith a prophet? I wanted to know and despite my tears and begging no angelic visitor appeared to me nor did a burning bush. After what seemed like hours of crying and pouring my heart out something changed. It was like a whisper, if I hadn't been there I wouldn't believe it myself or perhaps I would think I was crazy. But I heard a whisper and I know it just like you know that you breath and blink and live. That voice told me something that would stick with me throughout all my days. "God Lives, Jesus Christ is his Son and your savior and he lives, Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book Of Mormon is true." After I heard this, my tears stopped for a time, a smile crept onto my face. I felt so amazingly happy. I felt like I had just came in from a cold winters day( one of the days where your hands, feet and ears are frozen from playing so long and hard in the snow) and then found a warm and delicious cup of hot coco.(talk about a burning in the bosom that wasn't heart burn) I knew it was true! I knew that I really did have a Father in the Heavens and that I was his son and he loved me. He loved me so much he sent his eldest and most beloved son, my brother, Jesus Christ to this Earth to pay for my sins as well as everyone else's. I knew this and the joy that brings to ones life is a gift beyond measure that I would give up everything I ever owned or would ever own to simply possess this knowledge. I got off my knees and crawled into my cold bed, but the coldness really didn't bother me all that much. And then before I drifted off to sleep I started to cry again but instead of tears of sorrow, anger, and wanting I cried simply tears of joy as I never had before. I was happy.

So the next day I had a meeting with the sisters. I was excited to meet with them for I had told no one about what happened to me the night before. As that evening approached I was almost giddy in anticipation of telling the sisters what I now knew. Well they cam over and we sat down. The sisters asked if I wanted to say the opening or closing prayer. I told them I would say the opening prayer. As they bowed their heads I bowed mine as well for I knew I wasn't talking to the invisible grand poomba or the big kahuna in the sky. I was talking to my loving Father. As I prayed I felt good and happy. When I said the Amen the sisters looked up and smiled at me and I smiled back. They asked me why I prayed the way I did and I told them I had something to tell them. I then told them I had found out for myself that God was my father and Jesus was his son and my savior, that Joseph Smith was a prophet and the Book of Mormon was true.

Now if you have ever seen a little kid when the learn they are going to Disneyland or when they learn they are going to go to the ice cream shop then you know what it was like when I told the sisters my news. They smiled and happiness echoed in their eyes. They asked me how I felt about what I had learned and I told them I felt good and happy about it. They then asked me why that was and I told them because its true.

Well now the sisters pulled a fast one on me or so I thought. They started to talk about the twelve apostles that walked and talked and ministered with Jesus during his mortal probation. Then they pulled out these cups with the names of these twelve apostles on them. They then started to tell me about how an apostasy took place after these men were killed and the Church that Christ set up was lost. That yes people still knew about Christ and talked and preached about him but they said the authority and power to act in God's name was lost. Men said that they had it but the problem was that as time went on the teachings of Christ became diluted and changed. Not all of them but enough that it wasn't the same.

It would be like if Jesus had set up a church and when he ascended into Heaven he left it in the hands of Peter, James and John and the rest of the twelve. However as they were killed they didn't pass on what power and authority they held. Then Mr. Pious Brown comes along and says that in Christ's church the way he meant it to be there shouldn't be any music. Now some people agree with Mr. Brown and some don't. So Mr. Brown starts a church where no music is played but they still teach about Christ. Now a Mr. Jade Green comes along and says that Christ really taught that music is okay but that paintings of Christ were not really allowed or statues of him. Mr Green goes and starts a church that will listen to music and teach of Christ but there aren't any statues or pictures. Now a Mr. Snow White comes along and says that there must be some things in the teachings of Jesus that are true and some that well they don't agree with what Mr. White thinks is right so they should be thrown out. Now Mr. White gets everyone together and they decide the only fair way to decide what should be correct things that Jesus taught and the things that are not true would be to vote on it. So they form a council and debate and vote and argue until they come up with something that has some things Jesus taught but considers other things to be false. Well as time went on more and more people decided what they thought was correct and wrong and formed their own church. Mr. Red decided the only was to baptize people was to sprinkle, while in Mr. Green's church they poured water on the person's head and in Mr. White's church they dunked them under the water. Everyone came up with what they thought were the true way of Christ according to them. So the sisters asked me who's church Mr. Whites church was, was it Jesus's? I said it was Mr. White's. They then asked about Mr. Greens church was that Jesus's or Mr Greens. I told them Mr. Greens. Well you get the idea of where the sisters went with this. They told me that Jesus's church was lost to the world.

They then told me how Joseph Smith had restored it and how God called him to be a prophet. (Now I was thinking at this time, "Duh, I learned that last night.") They then turned the paper cups around and they had pictures of some old guys in suits on them. The sisters told me these were the apostles and that there was a prophet living today. Now I told the sisters to hold on a second. All I had prayed about was to know if God was really my father, If Jesus was his son and my savior, if Joseph Smith was a prophet and if the Book of Mormon was true. I didn't ask about no Gordon B. Hinkley(why did they add his middle initial anyway why not just call him Gordon Hinkley.) and some other dudes. Now the sisters tried to bear testimony and explain things to me. But I then asked them wouldn't Mr. Green's church say they were the true church and had lost nothing and had everything and were the real church. I asked the sisters how I know another apostasy didn't take place after Joseph Smith died. They tried to assure me it hadn't but I told them the Catholics and every other church out there said the same thing.

Once again I was in a tough spot. I knew something about the truth but some other things seemed kind of fishy. I thought this prophet guy must have some kind of angle. Well come to find out he wasn't paid there goes that one.... guess he is not like a televangelist. But from what I knew people just don't do things without some ulterior motive. So I figured he was just a better B.S. artist then most of them out there. He has to be getting some kind of kick backs. (little did I know about the church retirement program at the time for prophets and apostles.... its heavenly ;) )

Well luckily enough the sisters told me about something called General Conference coming up two weekends from now and I could see and listen to the prophet and apostles speak over T.V. and that I could decide for myself if they were just really old con men. I asked them where this conference was. They told me Salt Lake City. I asked if only Mormons were allowed to come and since I didn't wear the special hat I couldn't attend. (lol if only I knew about special hats) They told me anyone could go as long as they had a ticket. Well I then asked them, yep you guessed it where do I get a ticket. They told me bishops and stake presidents had them and could give them to people. Well I was in luck I knew two people who fit those descriptions. With the sisters still sitting there(I didn't want to miss my chance) I called up Bishop D. "Bishop D can I have a ticket to General Conference?" "Who is this?"he asked. I answered, "This is JD, can I have a ticket please?" "Who?" he questioned again. "JD," I replied. Bishop D then asked me where I was and I told him my apartment he then told me to wait five minutes and he would have a ticket to right over to me. Well when he brought me the ticket and I held it in my hand well a little musical started going through my head and I wanted to run throughout the dorm singing... "I have the golden ticket. I have the golden ticket." I didn't know why I wanted to do this I just felt really happy and excited.(and yep you guessed it.... yet again it wasn't heartburn when I got that burning in the bosom.) I told Bishop D I was going to meet this prophet of his and shake his hand and I knew enough of God now that I would know if he was a real prophet or just another religious con man. I told the sisters the same thing as well as President Clark and everyone else I could talk to about it. I think Bishop D half expected to see me on the six o'clock news with the heading man arrested for trying to assault the LDS Prophet. I also told Bishop D, the sisters and President Clark that if this prophet of theirs didn't have time for me to shake my hand then I didn't have time for him or his false church. Because Jesus had time for everyone even little children so his prophet should have time as well.

Well I ended up going up to conference with two sisters from the ward. We went to the Saturday Afternoon session. Now in the conference building when you first get there, a low roar and mumble of thousands of people talking reverberates throughout the place. Then all of the sudden silence so complete you could have heard a pin drop... and then everyone stood up. . . . .

Why I am Mormon Part V

As I walked in the doors to church that Sunday I found that I was greeted by smiling faces and hands outstretched to shake mine. I thought at first it was just a front and later on some people would tell me that I was dressed wrong or they would ask what my problem was or maybe ask me to leave. However as the meeting went on I began to feel like I was wrong. No one said anything, I didn't see anyone point and snicker or anything like that. There was just something that was telling me I was wrong. As Sunday school finished I began to feel more and more uncomfortable. I was thinking about just going home and not staying for the last hour. However the sister started talking to me about Elders Quorum and told me where to go. I told them I didn't feel comfortable going there alone yet and asked if I could go with them. They explained to me what Relief Society is about and how there is a class for women and a class for men. I asked if they were taught the same things and Sister Glancy said the lessons came from the same manual. I then asked what the big deal was if I came with them. They tried to persuade me to go to Elders quorum because the lessons were geared more toward men the relief society was. I told the sisters if I couldn't go with them to class I would just go home. Guess what? I got to go to Relief Society. Yep, once again I felt uncomfortable but at least I was surrounded by cute girls. So as the hours turned into days and the days to weeks I continued meeting with the missionaries. I met with the sisters twice a week. Normally on Tuesday nights and Friday nights. I continued to read the book of Mormon and after the sisters forty five minute lesson we would spend about thirty minutes answering whatever questions I had come up with from my reading. Apparently even though the sisters loved answering my questions this was taking a lot of their night up. The sisters told me about a program the church had where you could go to college level classes about the Book of Mormon. Now I had asked a couple of questions to the sisters that they couldn't answer for me and had to ask other people to help them figure out. When the sisters told me about Institute I remember thinking this thought, "I can't argue with Sheena about the Book of Mormon because if I make fun or question her faith.... well... there is no cuddling or kissing later on. I can't ask the sisters the really hard questions I want to because either they tell me they don't know and it’s not essential to my salvation (which by the way on numerous occasions I told the sisters was a B.S. way of getting out of it) or they I just couldn't bring myself to be mean to them. But alas," I thought, "A professor of Mormon Religion who I will be able to argue and debate with. Someone who will not put my questions off or give me some lame excuse. “I told the sisters I would love to go to this class and asked them what times it was. They pulled out a sheet of paper with class times and days on it and I decided to take a class on Monday and Wednesdays at three o'clock in the afternoon. I was really looking forward to this class at the institute and took my little five star note book and wrote the questions that hadn't been answered for me yet on a page and walked over to the institute. As I walked into the classroom I set at the back of the room. A large part of this was because several of the people in the class were people that I had argued with before and a few girls that I watched leave a philosophy class because they started crying because I ridiculed their beliefs. Its enough to say that I got some rather dirty looks that conferred the feeling what are you doing here? You don't belong here? What kind of trouble are you going to make? So rather sheepishly I remained in the back of the room and listen to the teacher lecture. One of the really neat things is the class was in the exact same place I was in my own book of Mormon reading which was really cool. I got a lot more insight about what I read the night before and something to think about for my reading that night. There were a couple of questions I wanted to ask but felt rather stupid for once because everyone else seemed to be so far ahead of me in understanding and knowledge so I didn't ask about embarrassment. As the class got over and the last prayer was said (and once again people look funny when they pray... like closing your eyes really tight and making a determined face gets your prayer heard better by the invisible guy who never hears. I still wasn’t believing in God yet if you can't tell) the teacher went to the exit door and shook everyone’s hand as the left the room. I was the last to leave and was just kind of sitting there as the last person walked out. The teacher came over to the desk I was in and introduced himself as Brother Clark and asked me If I had just gotten home from my mission (what was up with these Mormons thinking I was a missionary) because he hadn't seen me in class before. I told him that the sisters had sent me to this class because I would be able to learn some more about the Book of Mormon. It was as if some light bulb clicked on for the teacher and he excitedly asked me if I had any questions from today’s class. I told him I did and he asked me why I didn't ask during class. I told him because I felt kind of stupid asking them since everyone else probably learned the answer when they were six or seven. After we went over the questions I had from class he told me that they were good questions and not everybody in class probably knew the answer and next time to just ask the question. He asked then if I had any other questions. I opened up my notebook and asked him the really hard questions I had from reading the Book of Mormon that the sisters hadn't been able to get an answer for. He answered each one effortlessly and quickly and in a way that just seemed to make sense and be right. As the word quickly got around that I was taking the discussions I started to gather a little Mormon support group of people I could ask questions to. At most of my discussions I normally had about six other people there who simply couldn’t believe I was really investigating the church. This one sister named Amber who was a stalwart saint and always stuck to her grounds when I challenged her beliefs in class was rather amazed when she learned about what I was doing and didn’t quite believe that I was sincerely learning about Mormonism. But after the first lesson she came to where she saw with her own eyes that I was really meeting with the missionaries she made sure to be at each meeting I had with the sisters. We set up a system where after each class period I would ask him whatever my questions were from the last couple of days. We normally spent about thirty to forty-five minutes after class talking about whatever my concerns were. The Sunday after my first class as I was sitting in sacrament meeting before church (in a suit because I had learned my lesson) I saw my teacher come to my church meeting and he went and set up with the Bishop at the front. I waved at him and shouted hello to him from across the ward. He simply smiled and waved back. As I listened to the opening thing they do I noticed my teacher was not simply called Brother Clark but rather President Clark and was something called a Stake President. (Looking back now I can understand why he was able to answer all of my questions so easily and effortlessly and always seemed to have a glow about him. But I feel kind of bad taking up forty-five minutes of his time every Monday and Wednesday.) A lot of the questions that I asked the sisters are in retrospect rather funny when I think about them. I remember a concern I had was about why I had to pray with my eyes closed (if you remember I didn’t close my eyes when people prayed). Another thing I did was the sisters left me one of the chapters in third Nephi that dealt with the savior preaching the Sermon on the Mount to the Nephites. Jesus was talking an awful lot hypocrites and how much he really didn’t approve of them. There was a certain part where he said not to pray openly as the hypocrites do so they may be seen of men but to pray in closets and in secrete to your father in heaven. Well being the guy I was the sisters came over the night after I had read that for one of our meetings. They asked me if I would say the prayer. Now I wasn’t much into praying just yet however I thought I had learned something from the previous night’s readings. So I said I would and sisters looked at each other and smiled again like I was making some kind of progress. However there smiles slowly left there faces as I got up from the couch (they still insisted on sitting on the floor) and walked back to my bedroom. I slammed the door shut climbed into my closet said something to the invisible man about him not being there and listening but I needed to teach the sisters something so I could deal with talking to myself. I climbed back out of the closet and went back to the living room. The sisters were still sitting on the floor with rather concerned looks on there faces and asked me as I sat back down on the couch if everything was okay. I told them that it was. They asked me why I went back into my bedroom and if I was ready to say the prayer now. I told them I wanted to read something first to them. I opened up my little book of Mormon, read the passage in Third Nephi and told them I wasn’t go to pray like them and be a hypocrite and everything. The sister resolved this concern and explained the passage to me and then asked me if I would say another prayer. Well I accepted because I was feeling rather foolish about the whole event now. So I started out by addressing the invisible pizza guy in the sky who really wasn’t there and proceeded to say one of the worst prayers ever referring to Heavenly father as the dude in sky, the invisible man who wasn’t really there, and several other titles. Well, the sisters took this in stride and from that time forward I had to say an opening or closing prayer and it didn’t seem to bother them that I didn’t call the invisible guy God. Another thing that I questioned was the word of wisdom. The sister taught me about the word of wisdom and told me that I couldn’t drink alcohol or anything like that or smoke or do drugs or drink coffee or tea. Well I accepted what they said but that night after they left I started to think about what they said. All throughout the Bible and Book of Mormon it talked of how Jesus and other men drank wine. There were even scriptures that said it could be used for the sacrament. So when the sisters showed up for the next meeting I had a bottle of wine opened with glasses poured for everyone there. The sisters rather shocked of course asked me if I was keeping the word of wisdom and I told them I wouldn’t drink beer, whiskey, or liquor but I would drink wine because Jesus did and they always told me that I should be like Jesus. Well they tried to bear testimony of the word of wisdom but I didn’t believe them I wanted to know why if it was wrong then why did Jesus do it. Well the next meeting we had they brought Bishop D along who happened to be a rather amazing gospel teacher as well as bishop and he explained how the word wine in the New Testament often referred to not only the wine I knew but in Greek their were different kinds of drinks made from grapes that went from simple grape juice to wine that was forty or fifty proof and when the new testament was translated they just called everything wine. Well this made since so I bought it. So the next time the sisters came over I had a bottle of grape juice and poured glasses of grape juice for everyone. There were many other questions and things that I did and asked that are rather funny but I have spent enough time talking about a few of them that you can see the sisters had there hands full with me. Well I continued to go to Institute classes and church and met with the missionaries but I still didn’t believe them yet. But something interesting was starting to happen. When I reading the book of Mormon I would read things that would make me think about changing my life. I would read about forsaking sin and embracing Jesus Christ. The other resounding theme that kept echoing was that I was a sinner and unless I repented that some rather unpleasant things might be in store for me. I didn’t buy that God was real or that Jesus Christ was my savior however I was beginning to wonder if it was worth the gamble. I mean if I was right I only had to live my life and maximize my happiness and pleasure while alive. However if I was wrong I had an eternity of unpleasantness to look forward to. I really was thinking about if the risk was worth it or not. I still kept reading the book of Mormon though to see if what it said could make me a better person than I was. Well after about a month and half of learning about the church I was finally at a point where I could no longer take it anymore. I was lying in bed unable to sleep and thinking about what I had been taught, the claims the sisters made about everything and what Bishop D and President Clark told me. A lot of people told me the church was true, that God was really there and Jesus Christ was his Son. But I didn’t believe it. As I lay in bed tossing and turning I finally came to a point that all men come to at some point in there life. I really wanted to know if it was true. Figuratively I drew a line in the sand. Either what everyone was telling me was the truth or it was false. It had to be one of the two. There was no grey area; there was no sitting on the fence. The missionaries, Sheena. President Clark, Bishop D and all the rest of my support group were either full of crap or they were telling the truth. In all the month and half I had met with missionaries I never really said a real prayer. I never had a true desire or intent when I prayed. I really felt that if I said a prayer it got to the ceiling and then bounced back down to me and mocked me for talking to myself. However I was at my wits end. I didn’t know how else to find out what was true. I had tried to figure it out for myself but I hadn’t got anywhere. I decided that maybe I should really pray. Well it was sometime in the early morning hours and I got out of bed and onto my knees. I decided that I was going to bother God or whatever was out there (because somewhere along the line I had decided in the last month or so that something bigger then me really existed.) until I got an answer. I vowed to myself not to get off my knees until I received an answer either yea or nay concerning Mormonism….

Why I am Mormon part IV

I opened the door and to my surprise found two drop dead gorgeous women standing there with name tags that read Sister Glancy and Sister Niu. Sister Glancy was one of those women who could have been an ante-bellum southern belle and Sister Niu was the vision of a princess from the South Seas. I quickly let them with another girl from the ward who's name was Susan. For some reason I felt kind of ashamed to have the hard rock blaring from my room and asked if I could go turn off my music. The sisters looked at each other and smiled and said it would be no problem. As I went quickly to my room to turn off my music I was in a quandary as what to do. These two women were not the young men I had prepared myself for. When I returned to the living room they were sitting on the floor facing the couch where I was supposed to sit. I tried to get them to sit on the couch but they told me they were comfortable on the floor. They introduced themselves and we made some small talk. They then asked if we could say a prayer. I told them they could do whatever they wanted. They asked if I wanted anyone to say it and I told them I didn't care. One of the sisters I don't remember who said she would say the prayer. They bowed their heads and started to talk out loud. (some people have the strangest looks on their faces when they pray.) I just sat there and looked at them as they talked to nothing. When they had finished and said amen Sister Glancy asked me what I thought about God. Now I had often had this question asked of me and I had a whole page full of questions as to who or what God might be if he/she/it even existed. But strangely enough the idea that popped first into my mind was not to talk about atheism or about some super cosmic cloud in the sky but rather what came first to my mind was a vision of an older man with a white beard and a full head of hair somewhere sitting upon a throne. I told the sisters this and didn't ask about my blobs or that God was grown up version of Santa Claus. The sisters looked at each other again and smiled and said that I wasn't far off. They then explained to me about how God was my literal father in Heaven and how I was one of his children. They then asked if I had ever heard of Jesus Christ. I told them I had and once again non of my arguments involving Jesus Christ popped into my head. They asked if I would like to watch a movie called the Lamb of God. I told them we could and we could even listen to it on surround sound. They put in a movie that went through the life of Christ. Now I had been raised as I said by Christian parents so I knew the basic story about Jesus and I accepted that he was a real historical figure but not the son of God by any means. As I watched the movie I remember getting rather upset at what was happening to this man. I remember thinking to myself, why should he be punished for simply saying what he believes and teaching it. I thought to myself that I wouldn't want someone to beat me or hurt me simply for what I believed. And while I thought the things he taught were what made men weak and didn't encourage people to better themselves at the same time he wasn't exactly teaching people to sacrifice babies or commit genocide. As he was nailed to a cross and lifted up for all the world to see a certain sadness entered into my heart and I had to tell myself not to cry. Now in all my life I had never felt this way from simply watching a movie. And I certainly had never felt like that when thinking about Jesus. As the movie ended the sisters looked at each other and then at me and asked me what I thought. I told them I thought the movie was good and that I liked it. The sisters then asked me if I had ever heard of the Book of Mormon. I told them I was currently reading it and I was 1st Nephi chapter seven. For the first time I caught them off guard. They asked if I had any questions and I turned my book open and asked them the questions I had had that Sheena was unable to answer. The responded to each one and answered it. They seemed to enjoy my questions and I really enjoyed to my surprise learning the answers. They asked if I would go to church that Sunday and I told them I had went the Sunday before and I caught them off guard again. They asked me what I thought of it and I told them it was okay but it was really long and sometimes kinda boring. They told me they expected to see me that Sunday then and they ended our meeting again my talking to some invisible guy that I was unable to see. That Sunday rolled around and Sheena had gone home for the weekend(so I didn't have to put up a front) and I decided to test these Mormons. Instead of a suit and white shirt and tie I wore a blue Hawaiian shirt with yellow flowers unbuttoned with a wife beater as an undershirt. I put on a pair of cutoff jean shorts with stings hanging down and put flip flops on my feet. I was going to test these Mormons and see if they would kick me out of the church or treat me differently if I didn't look and dress like them. When I arrived at church that Sunday......

Why I am Mormon Part III

As I awoke the next morning I found myself still excited about the prospect that lay ahead of destroying Sheena's misguided faith. I ran into her later that day and after some small talk she asked if I had ever read the Book Of Mormon. (Apparently she couldn't sleep the night before and after praying and reading the Scriptures she stumbled across a couple of verses in Doctrine and Covenants that implored her to share the gospel) I told her that I had never read it. Sheena then asked me if I would like to read it. I replied I would read it if she would read it with me. She said that would be no problem and returned later that day with a Book of Mormon. We set up an appointment to read for later on that night. At this point I was congratulating myself on how well everything was working. Not only would I be able to argue with her with the source of her belief before me and ready to be torn apart but she would be in my bedroom. I had learned the year before that things were always so much easier if you could end up alone in a bedroom with someone. That night Shenna came upstairs with for our reading appointment. I decided we should start at the beginning of the book and go from there. I vividly remember reading the introduction to the Book of Mormon and poking fun at what it said. It talks of how Mormon and Moroni added a few words of their own. I promptly asked Sheena if I could grab a pen and add a few words of my own to the book because I had somethings I would like to add. She tried to explain to me about prophets but I told her a better name would be ancient con men. She said she would ask someone about what it said and get an answer for me. We continued to read further into what some witnesses had to say about seeing these golden plates. I questioned a few of the choices of words they used and when we got to how Joseph Smith was visited by the angel Moroni I quickly retorted I had heard of people who this happened to. I told Sheena these people were normally known as crazies or had done some amazing hallucinogenic drugs. She tried to answer my concerns but none of it was really working. We stopped before we got to the beginning of first Nephi and said we would start reading that tomorrow. I ended up keeping Sheena in my room for a little while afterwards as I tried to work my magic but to no avail her virtue was strong. The next night we met again and got to the part where Nephi hears a voice telling him to kill Laban. I told Sheena to hold on a second .... I tried to explain to her how the prisons were full of people who heard a voice and the voice told them to kill someone. These people are murders and killers definitely not men of God or prophets. She tried to explain it away but it wasn't cutting it. She told me she would ask someone about it. She then invited me to come to church that Sunday with her. I ended up getting her to watch a movie that night after we read and I decided I would have to move rather slowly so I settled for simple cuddling under the blanket as we watched the movie. On Saturday night after we read some more and I asked her why I should care that Lehi dwelt in a tent and why that matters to my life, I asked Sheena what I needed to where to Church. She told me I needed to wear whatever my best clothes were. I asked her if in her church Jesus hated bums and poor people. She explained that out of respect to God we should wear nice cloths. I ended up wearing one of my suits that I had from when I went to debate tournaments. Not out of respect for God by any means but I had to further my own plans. We ended up walking together to church. Church wasn't far away just across campus from the dorms. This was the first Sunday of the new semester and the Bishop was waiting at the doors greeting his new ward members. When he saw me, Bishop Donaldson(one of the best and greatest men I know) asked me if I just got home from my mission and where I had served. (I kept wondering why all these Mormons thought I served a mission) I promptly replied to Bishop D with these words. "I didn't serve a mission, I am not a member of your stupid cult and I don't plan on joining so I can drink the poison kool-aid one day." Without missing a beat Bishop D realizing I wasn't a member or a RM asked if I wanted to meet with the missionaries. Now I had seen these young men around the Dorms and campus. They seemed so young, idealistic and naive. It thought to myself that not only could I prove to Sheena how wrong she was but I could also get these young men to stop wasting their precious time. I told Bishop D. That I was free that Wednesday night and would like to meet them around seven o'clock if that would work. He made a quick phone call and told me that should be fine. Now being the debater I was I prepared for the confrontation with these two young, misguided men. I prepared all of the argument I had ever thought of or used against organized religion, religion in general and with Christianity. After about three hours of preparation I had five pages of questions to ask these young men that should set them on that path of true enlightenment and knowledge. I was looking forward to this and I was setting up the apartment so things would be stacked in my favor. As seven o'clock approached that Wednesday I had added another page of questions that I had from reading the Book of Mormon. I turned on some loud metal music in my room and set my play list to music that would be sure to put them on edge. One of my favorite things to do from the year before would be to only play certain songs on Sundays really loud during the non quiet hours where no one could do anything about. So I decided these songs would work rather well now since they had upset people last year when they were going to and coming back from church. One of my favorite Sunday songs was by Nine Inch Nails and was entitled, "God is Dead." Seven o'clock rolled around and I hear this firm knock on my Dorm. I smiled with anticipation as I opened the door.

Why I am Mormon Part II

So to continue the story of how I left agnosticism to find eternal truth. It all began with my sophomore year of college. I was looking forward to another wonderful year full of argumentation and debate and destroying peoples idiotic beliefs in outdated mythology of religion. I arrived at my dorm room and found that I really would enjoy my new room mates. Two were less active Mormons who didn't embrace what they had been taught and were somewhat cynical toward religion. The other was a born again Christian who was understanding of who I was. So after I had put up posters in my room that depicted pictures of gorgeous women ranging from the artful to the obscene. I then left my room to help figure out what we were going to do with the living room common area. I got the permission of the guys to put up a couple posters in the common area this was due to me providing the TV and PlayStation. We also started to set up our surround system when we heard a knock at the door. We were all sitting on the floor duct taping wires to the floor when we again heard the knocking and looked up and saw one of those beautiful creatures that God created that we call women. She was standing there and simply asked, "Do any of you boys know anything about electronics?" (I know nothing about electronics) I quickly stood up pushing one of my new roommates to the ground, and replied that I did and would be able to help her with whatever she needed. I was thinking to myself, "Yes, my first night at college this year and I am already going to get laid." As we walked down to her room I started to apply all the things that normally led to a rather fun and exhausting night. When we arrived at her dorm room which was one floor down from mine. I was already excited by what I thought was going to happen. As we walked into to her room I saw her other five roommates huddled around a small TV that was hooked up to an old Nintendo. They told me as I came in that it just wouldn't work. I replied that it was an easy fix and it should be working in no time. I made sure the power cord was plugged in and the connections were correct at the back of the TV. After I made sure these things were okay I then moved onto the console. Having grown up with video games I knew it should be pretty easy now. I took the cartridge out and blew on it three or four times and put it back in. I then hit the power button and watched the screen flicker with the game kinda working. The girls in the room squealed and told me that was more than they had got. I then replied it should be better than that. I hit the console on its side a few times hit the reset butting about thirty times and then hit the power button and what do ya know it started to work. At this point two of the girls started to play Super Mario Brothers. The other girls were casually flirting with me and I figured I had found myself a wonderful little gold mine. As the conversation started to become a little more in depth I found them asking me if I had served a mission(I always tried to dress nice and keep my hair short and face clean shaved). I replied I had and just gotten back a few months ago. I don't even remember where I told them I had served but I often told girls I was a returned missionary to get me where I needed to be. I even had a tag I had stole from a RM I knew. The gorgeous girl who first came up to my room asked if I would be interested in a game that night. I replied I would and she told me to come back at 7:00 that night. So I returned upstairs at this point and returned to my room and finished unpacking looking forward to a fun night and better school year. As seven o'clock arrived I got ready and went back downstairs. All Six girls were in the living room and were chatting about whatever it is that girls chat about. They asked me what kind of game I wanted to play... well... I could give them my real answer because by this time I realized that they wouldn't be up for a rousing game of strip poker or twister. I asked them how they felt about monopoly. They said sure why not. Now one of the things about my family concerning games is that we played cutthroat and cut each other no brakes. My mother always said, "Show me a good loser and I will show you a loser." No matter what the game was my family and I would play a game like we meant to win it. There was no cutting someone some slack. So I approached this game the same way. I had no intention of losing it to simply to get in her pants. As the game continued through the night one by one I eliminated each of Sheena's (that's the gorgeous girl) roommates. I used trades where I took advantage of their charitable nature or I simply refused to make deals with them and crushed them under rents they couldn't pay. As the game started to come to an end it was only Sheena I left. The other girl were still around the board and talking and the subject turned to the Book Of Mormon and who there favorite character/ hero was in it. It might have been the game or me simply in the ruthless mode I was in but when I was asked I started along the typical, "I can't believe smart women like yourselves would follow some old book like blind sheep." Well this certainly got their attention and they asked if I was active in the church. Well there was no going back now my cover was gone and the recognized that I was no simple sheep but perhaps a wolf who sneaked into the fold. I told them I didn't go to church, that believing in God was no better than believing in Bigfoot, Nessie, Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. It was simply something they had been brainwashed to believe in and were caught up in a web of lies. They assured me that it was true and tried to tell me about the heart burn in the bosom that they got from some holy ghost. I mocked them and belittled them till two of them left the room in tears because of what I said. When Sheena asked me about Christ I called him the greatest con artist of all time and then asked if she believed in human sacrifice. She said that of course she didn't, I then pointed out to her how Christianity was a the ultimate religion of human sacrifice and that she was no better than the savages who ripped the beating hearts out of their victims and kicked their lifeless bodies down some of the Central American pyramids. She then in a fit of righteous rage and indignation threw the monopoly dice to the floor and told me to get out and never come back. I promptly did so and left her room to retire to the welcome darkness that was my room. That night as I lay down to bed sleep would not come to me. I tossed and turned and thought about the events of that day and how Sheena could have defended her beliefs despite overwhelming logic and reason that she was wrong. After two or three hours of tossing and turning I decided that this girl had gotten to me. I then vowed to myself, the only person I believed in, that I would show her just how wrong she was and I would destroy her beliefs and bring her to the truth of what this life all about. So I drifted off to sleep with visions of mayhem and destruction floating through my head.

Why I am Mormon Part I

You can think of me what you will for claiming the title of Latter-Day Saint better known as a Mormon, but the one thing I know is that I am a better man today then I was before I joined the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I was raised by Christian parents, a mother who tried to bring religion into my brother and my life at different times. It seemed we went to church most around holidays like Easter or Christmas or when there was some kind of traumatic incident in our families life. I remember one of my favorite books growing up was a picture bible that was set up like a comic book. I loved to read it and enjoyed the stories especially the ones in the Old Testament. I remember being puzzled by the words at the end of the Old Testament that said, "end of the prophets" it was many years later that I finally came to understand this. However as I got older like some children I began to drift away from the teaching of my youth. This was much to the dismay of my maternal grandmother who is one of the most saint-like women I have ever known. As I continued to grow older this schism in what I thought and believed about religion only grew wider. I began to embrace the philosophy of men rather than the teaching of God and Jesus. I began to idolize such men as Nietzsche and Machiavelli for the logic they sought and wrote about. I begin to use reason and logic rather then upon that still small voice that speaks eternal truth. As I progressed further and further down this part of my life pragmatism and cold hard logic and science replaced any lingering thoughts about a higher power. I remember arguing with a former girl friend about her beliefs regarding Wiccan thoughts and her belief in dragons and fairies. I took the same line of thought when arguing with those who believed in any higher law than themselves. I compared them to primitive cave men who saw lighting and came up with some Deity who must be behind the scenes hurling lighting bolts from the heavens. As friends would talk to about Jesus and God I would ridicule them the same way I would someone who believed in Zeus or Thor and thought they really existed and lived somewhere. I began to believe that in Science, Logic and myself lay where truth really existed. I ended up graduating High School and looked forward to college as a place where I might meet like minded men and women who would not believe in as George Carlin put it, "The greatest BS story of all time." I ended up picking political science as my major and one of the reasons was a professor named Jim Schampel who taught at the college and I saw myself as following in his footsteps. I took delight in his logic and in how he dealt with those who believed in Christianity or any other religion. From him I took my cues and began to argue against the existence of God in many of my classes. I remember being in a introduction to philosophy class and making some eighteen or nineteen girls cry because I used logic and reason and straw man type arguments to show them how their beliefs were no better than Greek mythology and were just set up by con men. I remember blatantly yelling that God was dead and no longer cared if he even existed in the first place and challenging those who thought differently to argue with me. When people would try to bear testimony of what they believed to me I would compare that burning in the bosom to when I ate something spicy and later got heart burn and asked them if what I was thinking when I got heart burn was the spirit speaking to me. I would tell them that God was only a grown up version of Santa Claus that people went to. My skills in logic and argumentation were only strengthened by my joining the debate team. This however was not all I did to destroy those who I saw as having an archaic view of the world. Those same young girls who so passionately argued that God existed I sought to take that which is most precious from them. This is one of the things that I most regret about that period of my life. I also dressed up as a dead missionary that year for Halloween. Drilling a hole in a Book Of Mormon and splashing fake blood all over a white shirt and then proceeding to go trick or treating throughout the dorms. I lived to show those who believed how wrong they were. I remember later talking to the Stake President and he told me what a trouble maker I was and how many people would come crying into the institute on campus and wanting to know if what I said was true. I also sought to dissuade those who were investigating both the Mormon Church and religion in general and I relied upon the sophistry of men to dissuade them from what they were searching for. I friend of mine who was on the debate started to investigate the Mormon Church and myself and others ridiculed him and sought to re-corrupt him so he could join in our fun again. So for my freshman year I went about trying to destroy the works of God and his church. I thought I was in the right and everyone else was being astray by religious con men who were only using religion as an opiate for the masses or to make money for themselves. I sought to bring people to realize the errors of their way. I wanted to help them see they believed in vain superstitions as real as the Easter bunny, Santa Claus or the tooth fairy. I was to only learn how wrong I was.